


He's Still the One

by annieliling



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-27 23:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16229846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annieliling/pseuds/annieliling
Summary: After Eddie passes, Richie struggles to move on and deal with his grief.---This story is kind of like an AU where Eddie dies before the events of Chapter 2 but after the events of Chapter 1. They're around 15-16 during this time period.Please do not hate on this.  If you have something negative to say, please try and keep it to yourself. Criticism is fine since my work is unedited, but I like to spread positivity and not hate.





	He's Still the One

Richie didn't come to the burial service. He couldn't bring himself to watch Eddie be lowered into the ground. The feeling of his dead weight of the body still made his skin tingle. The other Losers tried to pry him out of his room, but the door was always sealed shut and locked. Hours would pass as Richie stared at his hands until tears blurred his vision, and he could look at them no longer. Every once in a while, Bill would knock on the door to check if he was ok, but silence often followed the question. Days passed. The Losers' respectfully left Richie alone with his thoughts, and they would pray he was alright. 

Two weeks after the service, Bill unlocked the door and walked in to find Richie on his bed. Knees to his chest and crying, Richie ignored him. Bill perched on the end of the bed and watched. What were you supposed to say to someone who's best friend died?

"Richie? We're going to go visit Eddie. Do you want to come?" Bill asked. Just the mention of his name released a flood of memories into Richie's brain. Like usually, Richie stayed silent. A sigh emitted from Bill as he moved to get up. 

"Wait," Richie pleaded. His voice trembled, and his throat felt raw. Richie sat up and faced his friend. A flush covered his cheeks, and his eyes were puffy from crying. Richie pulled on his glasses and stood up. "I'll come with you."

ღ•ღ _  
_

_Eddie liked vanilla ice cream_. Richie watched the buildings fly by as they headed to the cemetery. The others chatted and laughed over the music, but Richie never uttered a word. His mind strayed towards old times instead. _Eddie liked wearing polos. His favorite was the pink one they were wearing when they rescued Ben. Eddie knew a lot about fixing people. Everyone told him he should be a doctor with that kind of knowledge. He wanted to help people. Eddie didn't really bother with the kickstand on his bike. It was faster for him to just leave it on the ground._

"Richie," Beverly said, gently shaking his knee. "We're here."  
Richie nodded and unbuckled his seat belt before following the others out of the car. It was a pretty day, but everything seemed gray. 

Maybe it was the tombstones.

Quiet chatter filled the stoic landscape as they kept a lookout for Eddie. It took them 20 minutes to locate him. 

The Losers' must've helped to pick the spot since his mother couldn't be here. The tombstone sat atop a small hill, where the rays of the sunlight always shine on it. He'd see the first rays of the morning and the last glimmers before the sunset. It seemed fitting.

The whispers came to a halt. The cold reality washed over Richie as he stood there. He read the words over and over again, waiting for them to set in. They didn't. Richie couldn't move, paralyzed with his own emotion. Bill started talking, but it sounded far away. Richie's chest ached. 

They took turns talking, sharing old memories. The good memories from the not so good times. Every once in a while, they'd share a laugh from an old inside joke. The way Eddie carried a fanny pack or Ben's abnormal stalking abilities would erupt chuckles from the group. Sad smiles crossed their faces as the conversation came to a close. Richie cleared his throat.

"Can you guys give me a minute?" he asked.

A tense look passed between the members of the group before Beverly nodded.

"Of course," she answered with a smile. With a wide gesture, she led everyone away from the cemetery and towards the parking lot. The silence thy left behind was almost unbearable. Richie stared at the grave and found there were no words he could possibly say. After all, what does one say to a dead lover? Richie shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels.

"Hey Eds," he began before profusely shaking his head. "Err... Eddie... Edward?" He breathed deeply to clear his mind. "Hey Spaghetti Head."  
  


The breeze blew at the hair on the back of his neck, creating a tickling sensation. The sunshine hid behind the clouds. Richie didn't expect Eddie to respond. But he expected something. An awkward silence filled the air.

"We miss you. Well, I mean of course we miss you. Ben and Bev and Bill and Stan and Mike... we all miss you like crazy." Richie chuckled to himself. "I might be the craziest," he murmured before looking directly at the dull stone. He valiantly fought back tears. Gingerly, Richie stooped down next to the grave, leaning himself against the headstone.

"I should've said this when you were still with us," he muttered in defeat. "But I loved you... a lot. And I know if you were here you'd just scoff and blush and think it was a joke. You'd probably tell me to shut up and duck your head back down, muttering things to yourself. But I'm telling the truth here. I love you more than you would ever know."

Richie drew pictures in the dirt, trying to calm himself down. The lines turned out shaky from how much he trembled. An army of tears threatened to splash down. He sniffed and drew his arm across his nose. 

"At first I didn't think anything of it. I thought it was just a best friends thing you know. And then I saw you talking to that one guy after class and...shit happened," he confessed before laughing bitterly. "As twisted as it seems, I'm glad I don't have to say it to your face. I don't think I'd ever be able to work up the courage to say all this. Because I miss all of our stolen moments. The ones we had all to ourselves. The secret hangouts and the movie nights and the stolen kisses behind the Losers' backs."

Richie sighed, glancing at the other members as they slowly clambered back into the car. Ben probably told them to stop complaining about how long he was taking. 

"I still love you Eddie, and I think I always will."

The car horn honked in the distance, signaling that the others were leaving. Richie turned to see Stan laying on the horn, before being roughly pulled away and scolded by Bill. And for the first time in a long time, Richie cracked a smile. Reluctantly, Richie pushed himself up off the ground and looked at Eddie's headstone. 

"Pip pip and tally ho," he whispered hoarsely.

Richie pivoted on his heel and marched towards the car, leaving the words _Eddiebear + Trashmouth_ written in the dirt. 

Months passed. Richie would frequently visit the grave. His visits started out as being only a couple days apart. He would bring a vanilla ice cream cone to the cemetery and sit and talk to Eddie. He'd recall crazy stories of Pennywise and tell new ones about the Losers entering high school. The visits became even further apart. Bill, Stan, Mike, Ben, and Beverly slowly disappeared as the Losers left Derry for a new start. The cast had been narrowed down to 2. The visits stretched even further until Richie only visited once or twice every month or so. And then one day, when Richie was 18, he said goodbye to Eddie. He'd been accepted into a college in Vermont. It was small, but it meant the world to Richie. He said a painful goodbye and placed a bandage on a crack on Eddie's tombstone

ღ•ღ

"Daddy! Are we there yet?" Valeria whined, her feet kicking against his seat. She batted at the red heart balloon that was constantly hitting her. Richie's wife, Emily, merely smiled at her child's impatience, taking the balloon and securing it. Richie adjusted the rearview mirror to look at his daughters. Valerie wore her signature pout and sat with her arms crossed. Her blonde hair whipping around her head as she kicked her feet once more. Luckily, her car seat kept her somewhat restrained. 

Richie looked to his other daughter, Andria. If he was being honest, he preferred Andria over Valerie, which was fine since Valerie was more of a Momma's girl. Andria was much more soft-spoken and curious. They shared a similar sense of humor and much more peaceful compared to her younger sister. She's easily impressed with her surroundings and cares deeply about everyone around her.

Though he wasn't sure how she seemed to pick up a few traits from a certain boy he once knew.  
Andria gazed out the window, obsessed with watching the wildlife breeze by her open window. Her deep brown hair blew behind her, tangling her curls. She didn't seem to notice. 

"We'll be there in a few minutes, darling. Daddy has to make a pit stop somewhere very important," Richie answered, turning his attention back to the road.

"Why are we even here?" Valerie complained.

"Don't you wanna see where Dad grew up?" Adria asked, pulling her gaze from outside to look at her sister. Valerie shrugged as she picked up her Barbie doll. 

"Would it be mean if I said no?" she asked. A round of chuckled erupted in the car, bringing a pretty smile to Valerie's face.

The rest of the car ride was daily silent. Every once in a while, a small conversation would start up between Emily and her daughters, leaving Richie to focus on the road. He pointed out the Quarry and the library and his old school to his kids, before finally taking a winding back road up to the cemetery.

"Why are we at a dead people garden?" Valerie asked, earning herself a firm look from her mother.

"Daddy wants to visit an old friend," he answered half-heartedly, popping open the driver side door. 

"Girls? Why don't we go to the pretty meadow over there and find wishing flowers?" Emily proposed. Richie shot his wife a thankful grin before planting a kiss on her cheek.

"Can I stay with Dad?" Andria begged. Her watery blue eyes wide and pleading. Richie shook his head, bending down to wrap his arms around her. She gracefully accepted the apology hug. 

"Not this time, sweetheart. I promise I won't be long."

"Ok." 

Emily took both of her daughters hands and led them away from the car. With a relieved sigh, Richie pulled out his backpack from the trunk of the car. He gripped the straps before blinding up the familiar hill.

Eddie's gravestone still sat atop. Though faded in the frequent sunlight, it still managed to catch it's rays as if it were new. Richie smirked and plopped down in his old spot, feeling the familiarity of the carved words pressing into his back. He pulled out the newspaper clipping set it down in the small patch of grass growing on the mound of dirt. 

"I haven't forgotten you Eddiebear," he said, retracing the same message in the dirt again. "I swear I haven't. Believe it or not, I finally graduated. And you don't know how good it feels to graduate. I-I wish you were there, even though you probably would've graduated early with that big brain of yours."

Richie paused, feeling a swell of emotions. He tilted his head back, looking up at the bright blue sky. 

"I found a girl. Her name is Emily. Thankfully, she's not from Maine. She's from Pennsylvania. And... we got married. And we have two daughters. One of them is Valerie, she's the youngest and quite the troublemaker. She likes messing things up and teasing her sister. But when she smiles... it's the best thing in the world."

If he was being honest, it weirded him out. Coming back and talking to Eds was strange, and comforting at the same time. He had so much to fill him in on. 

"And then there's the older of the two, Andria. She likes being outside and riding bikes. She loves to read and bike around town whenever she can. We actually rented bikes to ride around on for the trip. She doesn't have many friends but she cares deeply for the ones she does have. Andria... somewhat reminds me of you, if that makes sense."

With a sigh, Richie looked at the worn words on the stone. A wave of sadness washed over him. The bandage he put on years ago just barely hung on. Something tells him that Old Groundskeeper Joesph probably makes sure it stays put, even though the crack is much larger now. 

"But that's not why I'm here to talk to you," he admitted. His eyes drifted to the worn, wrinkled piece of paper. "They did it, Eddiebear," he whispered, letting his fingers trace over the headline.

**LOVE WINS! SUPREME COURT AFFIRMS SAME-SEX MARRIAGES NATIONWIDE!**

"They finally did it. Our future... the one we wanted... is possible." Richie bit back tears as his voice cracked with emotion. "I just wish you were here to see it." He placed his head in his hands, viciously taking his fingers through his hair. "God I wish you were still here. I wish I hadn't been such a dick to you. I want you back here, with us. With me. Just for one more moment."

A deep, shuddering breath broke Richie's speech. He trembled from trying to keep it all in. He forced himself to think of good times to calm himself down. With a sniff, he closed his eyes as he recalled some memories. 

"Remember when we were 13 and we were chased by Pennywise? I know we were young and all, but that may have been the most fun I've had in a long time." He chuckled bitterly. "Remember when we were 18 and got drunk for your birthday? I think that's the first time you didn't care about germs. Then again, you were too drunk to even see your hands clearly, much less wash them." Richie smiled, letting the tears spill over before brushing them away. One after another, he pulled up old memories of them and the gang. The sun was beginning to set when Emily and Andria came back with a bouquet of wildflowers and the red heart balloon.

"Valerie is napping in the car," Emily informed. Her voice made Richie snap his head up. The sadness in Emily's eyes mirrored his. She knew all about the boy her husband once loved. How much it broke him when he passed far too early. 

"Whatcha doing, Daddy?" Andria asked, plopping down right next to her father. Richie smiled.

"Saying one last goodbye," he answered. 

Andria smiled. She didn't quite know what was going on, but she knew smiles made everything better. Especially in sad situations.

Both girls helped Richie onto his feet. Andria presented the bouquet and carefully placed it on top of the headstone. Emily handed Richie the balloon before producing a bandage from her pocket. She peeled off the protective layer before using the bandage as tape to attach the clipping and the balloon to the headstone. Richie then produced a small, well-used, familiar inhaler from deep inside a pocket of his backpack. He gingerly placed it next to the flowers. 

"Thank you, girls," Richie praised, his force brimming with pride. Andria grinned even bigger before skipping back to the car.

Emily stayed for a second longer, glancing at the tombstone. She reached out and grabbed her husband's arm, pulling it against her. 

"Do you think you'll ever stop loving him?" she asked. Richie smiled sadly.

"Maybe I will. Maybe I won't," he answered truthfully, finding no reason in lying to his wife. 

"Maybe a part of me will always love him. But I love you, and I love the girls. And I couldn't ask for much more in life."

Emily smiled up at her husband. She embraced him in a sweet hug before gently leading him down the hill. Richie didn't turn back. He didn't want the last memory of Eddie to be his grave, catching the last of the sun at the top of the hill. He wanted it to be him and his family, surrounding someone they might never grow to know, but will grow to love. 

He said a quick goodbye to Joesph before pulling out of the parking lot. The cemetery and the church shrunk in his rearview mirror before disappearing completely.

"Goodbye, Eddie."

 


End file.
